I’m overwhelmed by how beautiful he is sometimes and these photos really demonstrate this to me. I haven’t photographed him so much, the last two years, and recently I feel like I’m trying to make up for that. Then I see him like this and can’t believe how much he’s grown, how long his legs seem, the moments of maturity in his face (though still so much a little, little boy).
This is as close to art as I can get right now. I feel like I’m recovering something of myself, but with that I’ve had to let go of other things. I’m letting go of everything that this last year at Uni has forced onto me. It’s more like I’ve allowed it to force me into a certain-shaped box, a box that doesn’t fit. I’ve been feeling so constrained by what they want me to do with my art. I realize that I’ve got to a point where I just feel paralyzed by their framework and their attitude of what Fine Art should be. I haven’t enjoyed it at all this year, and the space to breathe in has been getting smaller and smaller.
Right now I feel like I might not make anything again, but that could just be the feeling I’m caught up in in this moment. It may pass. It seems like everything is in a state of lull to me. We’re stuck in this hideous climatic depression right now, too. It is just unbelievable how cold and grey and wet it has been for the last 5 weeks. It’s stirring up the old dream that I keep really well buried most of the time.
Here it is:
604 Blackall Range Road is where I want to be. Here, or somewhere like this. What do you think? It’s pretty special, right?
We’re seriously at the point where we think we will do it, if we can organize our lives and our finances to fit the picture. It may take us a year or two but it may not be as difficult as I used to think. I’d better get up to Australia House and renew my passport!